'Three-homes' Angela Rayner is today neck-deep in sleaze allegations

The baffling impossibilities of quantum physics tells us that something can be in two places at once depending on who is viewing it. It's called a "superposition".

Until very recently I found this concept utterly incomprehensible but clarity has come in the unlikely form of Angela Rayner.

Because the Deputy Prime Minister's "main residence" appears to be in a superposition. It's in two places at once, depending who is looking at it.

So, if the taxman is looking at her main residence then it is in the swanky southern seaside resort of Hove.

But if Tameside Council are looking at it then her main residence is her constituency home in Ashton-under-Lyne, Greater Manchester, 260 miles away.

Meanwhile, she actually seems to live in a rather lavish Government-provided grace-and-favour apartment in central London, funded by the taxpayer. That's you and me.

She literally lives in two places at once. Actually, three, now I think about it.

And this bafflingly impossible position has, it was claimed today, saved her paying vast amounts of tax into her own Government's coffers, you know, to pay for stuff like schools, and roads and nurses...

This is tax, you may think, the Deputy Prime Minister of the actual British Government perhaps might willingly pay.

Her critics (I knowww... but apparently there are one or two...) allege she told the Taxman her main residence was Hove, and this saved her £40,000 in second-home Stamp Duty.

Those same critics claim she simultaneously told Tameside Council her main residence was Ashton means she saves thousands in not paying Council Tax on her posh grace and favour London gaff.

We will never know for sure until Rayner comes clean and clears the air.

But, get this, even if it is accurate, it is also entirely legal.

Which is even more baffling than the aforementioned quantum physics.

One of the following statements "my main residence is Hove" and "my main residence is Ashton-under-Lyne" is, by definition, a fib.

Yet we are told that this is perfectly acceptable in law.

Luckily it is far from acceptable in politics, far from acceptable to the British people, and it's a fair bet any chicanery on Ms Rayner's part may yet bring her down.

Right now she is electoral headlice.

And this is not going away.

The Conservatives have called for a "sleaze enquiry" into whether Rayner had broken the ministerial code.

It is the right course of action.

As I have said many times, the British people have the grace and fairness to accept politicians are human and sometimes get things wrong.

What they will not accept is deliberate hypocrisy, cheating and lying.

So we will see.

This Labour Government never cease telling us they have a "£22bn black hole" left by the Tories.

Paying the correct taxes would, you might think, go some way to addressing this.

But correct taxes, as we know, are for little people.

Let's face it, Rayner cannot believe her luck.

She is the Deputy Prime Minister for god's sakes!

Alas, with tiresome predictability, Ange's catapulting to a position of vast power has made her that classic Orwellian socialist contradiction - the one who is more equal than others.

Remember, this is a woman famed for screeching "Tory scum!" at a Labour conference.

But, as she has somehow managed to get £800,000 together for her third home, our Ange actually now seems a proud exemplar of Margaret Thatcher's "property-owning democracy".

Proper Tory scum then.

It's classic Orwell - our favourite loud-mouthed Lefty's nest-feathering has irrevocably made her "one of us". This is not a bad thing in itself - only in its perceived hypocrisy.

At this point it is traditional for hacks to throw in a quote from Animal Farm, and far be it from me to disappoint.

My favourite: "The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which."

Again, I leave it to you dear reader to decide if it's a fair and accurate summation.