What Does The Rule Book Say About Five-Star Dining Etiquette?

No matter who you are, people often judge your manners, especially in places where good behaviour is expected. Recently, YourStory founder Shraddha Sharma shared a video about being criticised for how she sat and for wearing Kolhapuri chappals at the Taj Delhi restaurant. Her post sparked debate online and raised questions about the rules at five-star hotels.

The situation

Varun Arora, Chief Executive Officer & Co-Founder, EkoStay, feels the incident highlights a clash between two worlds – ‘tradition-bound fine dining etiquette and the more relaxed, expressive way we now live and travel’. “It was simply a misunderstanding of intent. Shradha’s reaction came from a place of emotion, and I can understand that. At the end of the day, hospitality should be about making guests feel comfortable, not conscious.”

Dr Taylor Elizabeth, Emotional Intelligence and Etiquette Coach, Founder and CEO of The Elegance Advisor, too considers the situation to be more of a cultural misstep. “Fine-dining spaces are built on standards and ambience, but those standards should never come at the cost of someone’s dignity or cultural identity. Sitting cross-legged or wearing traditional footwear is simply a part of how many express comfort and culture. The real essence of etiquette is respect for people, context, and diversity. Such incidents are a reminder for the hospitality industry to contemplate on how they can stay graceful without losing touch with the authenticity and diversity of modern India.”

Pearleen Katyal, Senior Account Manager, Avian We and an influencer, is a frequent traveller and has visited a variety of prime five-star hotels. She too feels the situation has been blown out of proportion. “There’s no rule book that says how one must dress, speak, or behave in a fine dining space. I’ve never come across one. I think it’s more about personal choice how you wish to present yourself. In India, unfortunately, there’s this unsaid rule that if you go to a fine dining place or a five-star, you must look a certain way. That’s more society-driven than anything else. I actually feel it was quite disrespectful on the hotel’s part to call Shraddha out publicly; it came across as judgmental rather than professional.”

Their take

For Pearleen, visiting a five-star hotel or a fine-dining place is more about the experience — comfort, ambience, and a sense of luxury. “Over the years, yes, I’ve evolved in the sense that I do like to dress up not because it’s expected, but because it makes me feel good. I don’t follow any strict guidelines of being formal or informal; it’s more about being well-dressed and well-groomed.”

Sidhharrth S Kumaar, Life Coach, NumroVani, is also a regular at five-star establishments. He feels that the simplest thing to do is to be respectful and inclusive. He doesn’t want his actions to impact others in any way. “Allow due consideration of time to serve the ala carte menus, and let it go at its own pace.”

The rule book

Dr Elizabeth considers five-star etiquette all about how we make others feel. “Keeping your voice low, switching your phone to silent, greeting staff kindly, or dressing in a way that blends in with the space – are the small gestures that truly matter. Luxury is mindfulness that defines refinement. Whether you’re a regular guest or walking into a fine-dining restaurant for the first time, grace shows up through simple things — gratitude, patience, and poise.”

Continuing from the doctor’s take, Pearleen thinks there is no universal rule-book as such, and people have developed their own rules of acceptability. “But I’ve seen people judge you for eating sushi with your hands. Ironically, most don’t even know that eating sushi with your hands is one of the traditional ways of enjoying it in Japan. The only real “rule” we should follow is to not judge people for how they look, eat, or behave as long as they’re respectful.”

In Sidhharrth’s rule book, he wants to add treating staff as partners and not service people, avoiding loud phone calls, and rerecording videos or vlogging openly without checking, a big miss.

According to Arora, most such properties are always known to have certain decorum dress codes, posture, noise levels, etc. “But most people forget that these rules were made decades ago, when travel and hospitality were seen as very formal. Today, guests want authenticity and warmth.” He still sees a mismatch ‘between old-school hospitality and modern expectations of inclusivity’.

Are they necessary?

Sidhharrth adds, “I do agree etiquettes are essential in a five-star hotel. Having said so, no etiquettes should go against the culture of place. If there are a set of rules that one need to comply, it’s essential to communicate them well in advance to your guests.”

Arora does consider structure and sophistication defines luxury spaces to a certain extent. But he also points out the essence of hospitality is adaptability. “In today’s context, brands that evolve with empathy and understand the guest’s individuality are the ones that truly stand out.”

For Dr Elizabeth, the aim of etiquette in luxury spaces is to instil a sense of comfort and order that makes everyone relaxed in that space. “The intention of order is not to exclude, but to enhance the experience of all within the space. Having said that, modern etiquette requires a more empathetic approach, as in the case of a hotel in India, which should always remember and embrace the warmth, respect, and inclusivity of India.”

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Changing scenario

A country like India is seeing changes in fine-dining etiquettes and rules. Arora does feel the changes and does think of the need for it. “India’s luxury consumers are no longer a single type; they’re diverse, expressive, and culturally rooted. We’re seeing luxury becoming more inclusive, less intimidating. That’s how hospitality should evolve into a balance between elegance and ease.”

Dr Elizabeth has discovered Indian luxury hospitality recognising its singular and great diversity along with its value. “There is a newfound willingness to balance local expression and global standards. Today, the idea of true sophistication is the coexistence of tradition and modernity. The aim is not to copy the West, but to redefine sophistication and embrace Indian cultural confidence.”

Pearleen doesn’t understand what standard is all about and thinks society has created them on its own. “Of course, it’s natural to dress well and maintain basic hygiene. Most people who visit such places are already aware of that. But beyond that, I think we should stop policing how people choose to present themselves. People are educated and understand the setting. Let’s just allow everyone to enjoy the experience without unnecessary judgment.”

Experiencing the five-star life can be easy with a simple understanding of people-friendly practices.